Goldilocks and the Three Lawyers

Once upon a time there was a little girl named Goldilocks and everybody knew the first part of her story: Goldilocks took a walk in The Forest, happened upon the house of the Three Bears, trespassed and suffered various misadventures within the house which included sitting upon a chair that had collapsed from under her. But few people know what happened after that.

As fate would have it, Goldilocks was seriously hurt from the collapse of the chair. She suffered a herniated disc at L5-S1, a serious condition that required surgery. Since this was very painful and unpleasant to Goldilocks, she sought the services of a lawyer to represent her. But since Goldilocks also lived in The Forest, she did not want travel to the Big City with its Tall Buildings and Imposing Environment. And so one day she paid a visit to a lawyer by the name of Mr. Broker who kept an office in The Forest.

When Goldilocks met with Mr. Broker, Mr. Broker seemed very optimistic about the case. Although Goldilocks was technically a trespasser, her cause of action would not be against the Three Bears but against the manufacturer of the defective chair. And so Mr. Broker asked Goldilocks to sign a form that said “Attorney-Client Agreement” at the top. The Agreement said that Mr. Broker would charge one-third of whatever amount Mr. Broker could recover for Goldilocks as a result of the terrible wrong that had been done to her. This being a fair arrangement, Goldilocks signed the agreement, shook Mr. Broker’s hand and hobbled home.

The next morning, and unbeknownst to Goldilocks, Mr. Broker traveled to the Big City with the Tall Buildings and Imposing Environment. There he went to the office of another lawyer, P.R. Eminent. Mr. Broker told Mr. Eminent about Goldilocks’ case and said that he would like to refer it, for Mr. Eminent was known far and wide as the very best trial lawyer who had ever lived. Mr. Eminent was very interested in Goldilocks’ case because he knew well of the design of the chair that had collapsed from prior lawsuits that he had handled. But then Mr. Broker said, “What about my referral fee?” And to this Mr. Eminent replied, “Unfortunately Mr. Broker I don’t pay referral fees. But that is not important because you, Mr. Broker, live in the distant Forest and lack the expertise and resources to litigate a case like this. But fortunately you recognized what was best for your client and wisely referred Goldilocks to me.” Mr. Broker then excused himself, and left the suite of Mr. Eminent, stating that he would be unable to make the referral.

Mr. Broker than paid a visit to another lawyer on another floor of the very same building that Mr. Eminent occupied. This lawyer’s name was Les Good. Mr. Good indicated that he would also be willing to accept Goldilocks’ case and that he would provide Mr. Broker with a 30% referral fee. Mr. Broker than said that he wanted a 40% referral fee, after which an agreement was reached.

Two days later Goldilocks received a letter in the mail from Mr. Broker. The letter said that Mr. Broker had an “associate” by the name of Mr. Good. The letter also said that Mr. Good would work on the case with Mr. Broker and that the fee would be divided 60% for Mr. Good and 40% for Mr. Broker. The letter also said that Goldilocks’ should sign the bottom of the letter approving of this arrangement and return it to Mr. Broker. And Goldilocks, figuring that two heads would be better than one, did just that. But after signing the letter, Goldilocks never saw nor heard from Mr. Broker again.

In the months and years that followed, Goldilocks would make many trips to the Big City with the Tall Buildings and Imposing Environment to meet with Mr. Good. This puzzled Goldilocks because she initially went to see Mr. Broker because she did not want to go to the Big City with the Tall Buildings and Imposing Environment. Also, whenever Goldilocks would ask Mr. Good how Mr. Broker was doing, Mr. Good never seemed to know. What Mr. Good did know however was that this was going to be a very difficult case and it was possible, if not likely, that Goldilocks might lose.

One day Mr. Good called Goldilocks and informed her that he had good news. The chair manufacturer had offered Goldilocks $75,000.00 to settle her case out of court. But Goldilocks would not actually receive $75,000.00. $25,000.00 would go to Mr. Good and Mr. Broker. There was another $10,000.00 to reimburse Mr. Good for his expenses. (Fortunately Mr. Broker had no expenses.) Then Mr. Good began to use strange and confusing words like liens, subrogation and ERISA. So when Goldilocks actually went to the Big City with the Tall Buildings and Imposing Environment to pick up her check from Mr. Good’s trust account, it was only in the amount of $10,000.00.

Goldilocks then asked Mr. Good questions that he seemed unable to answer. Why was Mr. Broker getting 40% of the $25,000.00 fee ($10,000.00) when he only met Goldilocks once in his office in The Forest and had performed none of the work? And if Mr. Good could do all of the work for the remaining 60% of $25,000.00 ($15,000.00), why should Mr. Broker be getting anything at all? Why didn’t Mr. Good simply give the remaining $10,000.00 to her, Goldilocks? Mr. Good then made some vague and puzzling remarks about something called the Rules of Professional Conduct, which Goldilocks understood to mean that what Mr. Broker and Mr. Good had done was perfectly legal even if it didn’t make any sense.

After that, Goldilocks took her check, left Mr. Good’s office and entered the elevator. As she entered the elevator, there was already another person there. The other person was P.R. Eminent, but of course Goldilocks had absolutely no idea who he was.

And Mr. Broker lived happily ever after.